It's Not You, It's Me

We often assume our reactions are a direct response to someone else's behavior, but this perspective is backward. Instead of viewing their actions as the root cause of our feelings, we should recognize that our responses often shape how others behave toward us. This dynamic is part of "learned behavior," which evolves through our interactions and experiences with one another.

For example, if a colleague consistently interrupts you during meetings and you never address it, you may be unintentionally signaling that their behavior is acceptable. Over time, this creates a pattern that's hard to break.

The key realization is that we don't need to focus on changing the other person's behavior directly. By changing how we respond, we can influence their actions. Consider a friend who frequently cancels plans at the last minute. If you usually respond with frustration, try reacting with understanding and flexibility instead. This shift might encourage your friend to reflect more thoughtfully on the impact of their actions.

If you're stuck in a negative cycle with someone, take a step back and reflect on your responses. Ask yourself, "What would happen if I reacted differently?" For instance, if your partner criticizes you and you typically respond defensively, try responding with openness and a desire to understand their perspective. This small change can lead to more constructive and positive conversations.

Recognizing that we can influence others by adjusting our behavior is empowering. It gives us control over our interactions and helps foster healthier, more productive relationships. So the next time you face a challenging interaction, remember: the power to create change starts with you.