It's Simple, Right?

It’s easy to oversimplify what we don’t deeply understand. The further we are from the details, the simpler the solution looks. But this oversimplification often leads us to write unhelpful stories about people and situations. We fill in gaps with assumptions, mistake omission for intent, and see malice where there may have only been a blind spot. The real cost is not just misunderstanding others; it’s missing the chance to grow ourselves.

One of the most useful practices I’ve found is pausing to ask: “What don’t I know?” At Improving, we often go a step further with a simple but powerful question: “Why would a perfectly rational, reasonable human being do this if they wanted to be successful?” (And no, the answer can’t be, “They wouldn’t.”) This question shifts the frame. It assumes positive intent and recognizes that most people wake up each day wanting to succeed, not fail.

The impact of this shift is twofold. First, it keeps me grounded in curiosity rather than judgment. I start from a place that says, “This person isn’t crazy, they’re trying to succeed.” That alone changes the tone of how I approach the situation. Second, it pushes the burden of effort back to myself and within my control. What am I missing? What assumptions am I making? What do I need to change about my thoughts to achieve understanding? Even when I don’t end up agreeing, the exercise itself builds understanding, and more often than not, it helps me see a path I couldn’t see before.

Next time you find yourself oversimplifying someone else’s actions (pro tip: if you start a sentence with, "If you just...", you're probably oversimplifying it), stop and challenge yourself with the rational human question. You may not only improve your relationships, but you’ll also build your own capacity to lead with empathy, clarity, and strength.